It’s an old familiar expression, but it really does seem like yesterday when my children were small. On those hard days, I remember worrying if they’d ever grow up and be responsible. Then they did. I thought it would be a joyful day when they were no longer dependent on me. And it was in a sort of sad way because I realized how swiftly those days flew.
It sounds strange when your adult child says, “I need to go home” and they are no longer referring to the home you provided for them for so many years. It’s feels weird when a doctor walks past you to give your grown child’s surgery report to their spouse. It’s rewarding to see how well they manage life without you, but there are times when I really miss being needed and feeling their loving arms around my neck in a tight squeeze and slobbery kisses on my cheek. These are memories I will cherish forever.
I see excellent mothers all around me. I can’t help wishing at times I had their patience or was more playful with my children. I regret the weight of responsibility which I let weigh me down. I’m disappointed I wasn’t more carefree. I worried about money and not having enough of it. When I compare myself to others, I feel inadequate and remorseful even though I realize each circumstance and situation is different. I know I did the best I knew how at the time and see that my two children have grown into wonderful adults. I still wish I would have done better while they were in my care.
It’s hard to let go because of all the energy, time and emotions put into the role of motherhood. My biggest desire is not only to be a good caregiver and companion to Mark, but also to be a good mother. I have spent years and probably all of my adulthood trying to improve my skills to fit that description. I feel blessed to have so many great examples of nurturing women all around me. I learn and am inspired by them.
A few things I learned about my mother after I became one:
Motherhood was physically draining until I reached a level of being able to care for myself.
She sacrificed a lot of time and money for me.
Perhaps she had better things to do than driving me to dance lessons, school and other activities, but she didn’t complain about it.
She probably didn’t enjoy my piano practicing any more than I did, but she wanted me to improve so she insisted on it.
As a teenager, I was emotionally draining, causing many headaches and heartaches.
She will love and care about me no matter what. Her unconditional love is greater than most other relationships.
She wasn’t always right, but neither was I.
It doesn’t matter how old I am, I’m still her baby.
Possibly she will spend all her days wanting to protect me from mistakes which may cause physical and/or emotional pain.
I’m fortunate to have a mother who cares. As I’ve matured, I realize not everyone is so lucky.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the women who give so much care to others. I appreciate your examples.
I love being a mother to these three.
I hope you enjoy another one of my favorite songs.