The Recharge Button

On Tuesday, I shared part of Kerrie Neu’s address on A Caregiver’s Button Box. Taking time for ourselves to recharge helps us cope with stress and increases our ability to handle the challenges. The recharge button is whatever brings you joy, helps you feel nourished and engaged.

My favorite tips from the presentation were:

1. Exercise increases endorphins to help you stay positive and happy. It may be as simple as a walk around the block, or may need to be a workout at the gym. Going on a bicycle ride with a friend is a mini vacation for me.

2. Doing something creative brings growth and change. The enjoyment can cause us to get lost in the experience. For Father’s Day, I wrote an article Daddy’s Girl.  I started it after I got Mark into bed. I admit it was later than it should’ve been. I was so engrossed in the memories, words and looking for the right pictures that before I realized how much time had passed, I heard birds chirping and noticed the sun chasing the darkness away. It took me by surprise. I had worked on the article through the night and didn’t once notice the time. I’m not recommending, or plan on repeating such an event, but I recognized how much I relish in writing. I may need to set a timer to keep me from repeating the incident.

3. Each of our needs are different. What brings joy to one, may bring stress to another.

4. When life circumstances change, we may need to modify our recharge buttons.

5. For more ideas that may refresh and replenish us, Kerrie shared information she found on Twilight Insight. This is an enlightening website for anyone dealing  with traumatic brain injury. Click for instant ideas on selecting a hobby, where to go for hobbies or, a list of hobbies, and more.

6. More great websites to checkout:

Thanks, Kerrie Neu, for the great pointers.

I’d like to know, what brings you joy and recharges you?

 

 

A Caregiver’s Button Box

Do you need ideas on how to replenish, recharge and renew as a caregiver? This month at our caregiver’s support group, Kerrie Neu  gave us lots of ideas. She agreed to let me share them here. With her 19 years of caregiving experience she discussed how to find joy among the challenges. Recognizing that every situation is different, these are some of the points she talked about.

Written by Kerrie Neu

“Just like my grandmother’s button box, we have to find the right button that fits the situation.  What may fit with one person may not fit another. Don’t feel guilty if you try something that other people like to do, but it just doesn’t bring you joy.  It’s okay.  I once attended a quilting class that many of my friends love.  I see their excitement and love their quilts.  However, the first month I went I stressed so much about trying to get my block ready for the next month, that I finally realized this was causing me more stress than joy.  For me, it was not the right button. Instead of acting like Cinderella’s wicked stepsisters who tried to make the glass slipper fit, we can simply find another shoe. We don’t have to fit the shoe in order to find joy and a happy ending, we can find the shoe that fits us and our situations.

​Let’s talk about some buttons then. First of all, Brenet Brown talks about buttons we have to be careful of. These are the easy buttons or escape buttons that we use to numb and not think about stress. Often they are self-destructive and don’t replenish us. We may think they momentarily help us forget or be happy, but in the end they usually don’t. For me, one of those escape buttons is TV binge watching. I find when I binge watch I ended up becoming cranky with my family. The TV shows themselves aren’t bad, but what I do with them does not nourish me. So I have to be careful of how often I use those easy buttons.

On the flip side, Brenet Brown talks about reset buttons, or what I called recharge buttons. These are things that we can do to recharge and replenish ourselves. As caregivers these are critical in order to help us be able to continue to give to our loved ones. We talked about the lesson learned from Lightning McQueen in the movie Cars. When he chose to skip his pit stop in the race at the beginning of the movie, he suffered the consequence in the last lap when he blew two tires and ended up at the finish line with his tongue hanging out and his car in sad shape. He had to learn the lesson of working with others and taking time for maintenance. As caregivers, we must regularly take time to find joy and renew ourselves.

There are many ways to recharge. Sometimes we can do little things that only take moments like drinking a glass of water, breathing, watching wildlife, enjoying nature, watching a child, or reading a poem or inspiring quote. Other times we carve out a little more time to connect with a friend, take a walk, play a game, read a book, or create something. Periodically, it’s also good to plan for some extended time to get away and visit with family, attend a conference, or take a vacation. It’s important to find a balance in our life because we cannot give from an empty cup.  ​

Over the last 19 years, we have explored many things to see what brings us joy.  Some of our explorations were quite successful, like our bike trip to the Hiawatha Trail in Montana. Others were not so successful, like our bike tour of London.

In each case, though, we learned something important and kept exploring. Never give up. Just this year we discovered that Laurent loves to listen to audio books and to do puzzles. Sometimes it takes a little thought, creativity, and extra planning to be able to do something with the one you’re giving care to, but in the end it is so worth it.

​Wes Stafford, former president and CEO of Compassion International said, ‘Joy is a decision, a really brave one, about how you are going to respond to life.’ Life’s hard. Choose joy anyway.”

My take away from this presentation is to be mindful of the escape, easy or numbing buttons which take me nowhere. Instead, look for the creative buttons that replenish, recharge and renew me as a caregiver. The buttons which work for me may be different from the buttons that work for you. What activities bring you joy? Writing is one of mine.

On Thursday, I will post more ideas Kerrie shared with us. You are bound to find some new buttons to try. 

To see the full presentation slides, click here.

To read more from Kerrie Neu see neusounds.com

 

 

Daddy’s Girl

Me at age two

As a child I heard Mom say, a time or two, I had Dad wrapped around my little finger. I was the only child out of their five that he witnessed the birth because way back then fathers were not allowed in the delivery rooms at the hospital. I suspect I didn’t want him left out, so my delivery was at home.

It all started after my grandparents came to take my sister, Rosanne, home with them for an overnight stay. They did this often, taking turns with each grandchild. After they left, Mom started having strong contractions so Dad called the doctor and told him they were on their way to the hospital. Because of the pain, Mom struggled to walk to the back door towards the garage. Dad rushed ahead to drive the car out of the unattached garage closer to the back door. When he got back in the house to help her to the car he realized her water broke and the impatient and determined baby was already on its way. He ran to the phone to call the doctor again and heard the television. Realizing there was only a stairway between where they were upstairs in the kitchen and where my two brothers were downstairs in the T.V. room added concern to this already stressful situation. Dad hollered down the stairs, “No matter what, you boys do not come up these stairs!”

Rosanne, Mick, Me & Dad

Mickey, age seven and a half and Donny nearly four, paid little attention to the hustle and bustle at the top of the stairs. Fortunately, they were more interested in the show than the arrival of a new baby, so it was easy to obey their father’s order.

By the time the doctor got to our home I had already arrived. What an entrance for a nine pound baby! I wish I could remember it… What I do remember is being referred to as their “kitchen baby”. Depending on the day, or the mood, I was amused at the thought of coming into the world in this unusual way, or completely embarrassed.

I’ve been told Dad often teased Mom during their four pregnancies that he had delivered lots of calves on the farm, so there was no need for a doctor. I guess I was listening.

Don, Me & Dad

I’ve always had faith in Dad’s abilities. He can usually fix anything I break and is willing to help me build whatever my mind dreams of.  I enjoy discussing ideas with him because he doesn’t tell me I can’t accomplish it, but rather points out the difficulties and then helps me find solutions to make it work out. He’s taught me to work hard for what I wanted and not to be afraid of failure. If the intended outcome didn’t occur on the first, second or third attempt, you just keep on trying and learn from your mistakes. His wisdom, experience, encouragement and optimistic attitude greatly benefit’s my life.

1980, Dad & I

1980, Dad & Mark

Dad showed me how to have fun by providing many outdoor adventures. Horseback riding, waterskiing, snowmobiling, four-wheeling are just a few of my favorite things to do with him. He instilled in me a love for the outdoors.

Enter a caption

In addition to being adventurous and hard-working, he is generous with his time and shares everything he has. He cares about people, especially family. He loves my children and husband just as deeply as I feel he loves me.

Dad’s endured much heartbreak, but you’d never know it by his cheery nature. His mother died just a couple of weeks before his twelfth birthday and his father’s death was ten years later. Years passed and a sister was sadly murdered and he was the one who had to identify her body. He’s borne family and business disappointments without bitter feelings. He’s dealt with many health issues with no complaints. His life demonstrates how to accept the things you can’t change with calmness, while having courage to change the things he can. Without calling attention to his hardships, I recognize them and have learned a lot from the way he quietly handles his trials.

Many years have passed since my rare entrance into this world and I’m grateful for the bond it made between us. I appreciate the model he’s given me to pattern my own life and thankful for the love and support he gives me. Dad, I love you!

2008, Mark & Dad on his 80th birthday party

Happy Father’s Day to two of my favorite men!

 

June 2017 Newsletter

The effects of brain injury vary and can be complex. Putting the puzzle together is easier with the help of others. For this reason I’ve gathered pieces of information on this month’s support groups and therapy services offered in the Salt Lake Valley. I also included notes from last months meeting’s in case you missed it. Check out the upcoming events and mark your calendar for the BIAU Annual Conference. Also included are links to useful websites. If you have an activity, announcements or other information you’d like to share in this newsletter, please email Barbara@UnitingCaregivers.com.

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FREE SUPPORT GROUPS AVAILABLE IN THE SALT LAKE VALLEY

June 7, 2017 – Aphasia Support Group at 7:00 p.m. Meets the 1st Tuesday monthly at Brookdale, 76 South 500 East, SLC, UT. (Parking in the rear of the building.  Enter from 100 South.)

Topic: Vision Disorders and Treatment after a Stroke by Jennifer Thomas, OTR/L Occupational Therapist. For more information, please contact Christina Nessler (801) 582-1565, Extension 5379 or Kiera Berggren (801) 585-9717.

June 13, 2017– Brain Injury Alliance Support Group for Adults, 6-8 p.m. Meets every 2nd Tuesday monthly at Sanderson Community Deaf Center, 5709 South 1500 West, SLC, UT 84123. This is a social group where dinner is enjoyed together and then games played or crafts made. All caregivers and survivors are welcome. For more information call: Jennifer (801) 386-2195 or Beth (801) 585-5511.

June 15, 2017 – Caregivers and Survivors Education Group will meet separetly this month, 7-8 p.m. Meets every 3rd Thursday monthly at Intermountain Medical Center (IMC) 5171 S., Cottonwood St., Bldg. 1 Murray, UT 84107.

Caregivers Meet in the conference room on the 7th Floor. Topic: A Caregiver’s Button Box, Finding Ways to Recharge, Replenish and Refresh. Start thinking of the little things that bring you joy to be able to share with each other.

Our presenter, Kerrie Neu’s husband, Laurent, is a brain injury survivor from a motorcycle accident in 1998. Kerrie will share ideas on ways to recharge and nourish ourselves. Helpful insights come from nineteen years of experience as a caregiver and a mother of two children, who were small at the time of the accident. She works for Granite School District as the Dual Immersion Specialist, coordinating and coaching teachers in Spanish Immersion, and is working on her Master’s degree in Spanish Language Pedagogy (teaching methods).

Survivors Meet in the conference room on the 9th Floor.  Topic: Fun in the Sun, presented by National Ability Center. Come learn what adaptive sports are available.

June 27, 2017 – University of Utah Brain Injury Support Group 7 p.m. Meets every 4th Tuesday monthly at Sugarhouse Health Center, 1138 E. Wilmington Avenue, SLC, UT 84106. Call Ryan Pello for questions at (801) 581-2221

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FREE WEEKLY GROUPS

offered through

INTERMOUNTAIN HEALTH CARE NEURO THERAPY SERVICES

Aphasia Talking Practice Group – Meets every Tuesday Noon-1 p.m. 5770 South 250 East #G50

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­Meditation Group – Meets every Wednesday 3 p.m. 5770 South 250 East Cafeteria Conference Room

Cognitive Skills Group – Meets every Thursday Noon-1 p.m. 5770 South 250 East #G50

Contact: Dr. Russo at antonietta.russo@imail.org

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Epilepsy Groups for those affected by seizures.

Together we share coping strategies, provide encouragement, comfort and advice from people with common experiences. For more information contact Margo at (801)455-6089 or Utah@efa.org

June 1, 2017 – Epilepsy Group for Parents 7:00 p.m.-8:15 p.m. Meets every 1st Thursday of the month Riverton Library Auditorium 12877 S. 1830 W., Riverton, UT.

June 8, 2017 – Epilepsy Group for All Effected by Seizures 7:00 – 8:30 p.m. Meets every 2nd Thursday of the month Intermountain Medical Center (IMC) 5171 S. Cottonwood St., Bldg. 1, Ninth Floor, Murray, UT.

June 21, 2017 – Epilepsy Group for All Effected by Seizures 6:30 – 8:30 p.m. Meets every 3rd Wednesday of the month SLC Main Library 200 E. 400 S., SLC, UT (2nd floor conference room).

June 22, 2017 – Epilepsy Group for Women Only 7:00 – 8:15 p.m. Meets every 4th Thursday of the month SLC Main Library 200 E. 400 S. (3rd floor conference room)

June 28, 2017 – Epilepsy Group for Teens 7 p.m. Will meet the 4th Wednesday monthly at the West Jordan Library, 8030 So. 1825 W., West Jordan, UT. There will be two teachers overseeing this group. Come to enjoy an activity and meet other teens with epilepsy.

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THE BRAIN INJURY ALLIANCE SUPPORT GROUP for ADULTS MEETING NOTES

Sanderson Community Deaf Center located 5709 South 1500 West, Murray, UT 84107

Tuesday, May 9, 2017, we had a great time at the horse races with paper money. Thank you Jennifer Gee and Beth Cardell for doing a great job directing this group. For more information call Jennifer (801) 468-0027 or Beth (801) 585-5511.

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Intermountain Medical Center 5171 S, Cottonwood St., Bldg. 1, Murray, UT  84107

SURVIVORS AND CAREGIVERS EDUCATION MEETING NOTES

Thursday, May 18, 2017, Matt Townsend gave an entertaining and poinent presentation on relationships.

We all want loyalty, happiness and honesty in a relationship. To feel joy and peace in a relationship we must feel:

• Safe – including physical, financial, mental, emotional, social and spiritual safety
• Trust – consisting of honesty and competence
• Appreciation- hearing or seeing words of approval (remember it takes four positives to ease one negative comment)
• Respect – showing through words and deeds
• Validate – hearing what is said to understand without having to agree
• Encourage – getting into the heart of your loved one and doing what you can to help them reach their goals
• Dedication – committing to your relationship and making them feel more important than any place or thing.

Matt said trauma or health issues are the number one way to expand in these areas. We don’t grow unless we are pushed. We learn through our challenges.

For a full synopsis of what I learned from Matt and a YouTube video, see my article, The Starved Relationship, or https://unitingcaregivers.wordpress.com/2017/05/25/the-starved-relationship

Dr. Matt Townsend has many podcast, YouTube videos and sponsors The Matt Townsend show on BYUradio. Entertaining insights on improving relationships for free. He’s also founder the the Townsend Relationship Center. For more information see Matt’s Website: http://matttownsend.com/

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University of Utah Brain Injury Support Group located at Sugarhouse Health Center 1138 E. Wilmington Avenue, SLC, UT 84106.

Wednesday, May 23, 2017 topic was on the Benefits of Massage given by Molly Sullivan, LMT. Ryan Pello organizes this meeting. If you have questions by call (801) 581-2221.

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BIAU Family & Professionals Annual Conference

Date: Friday, October 13, 2017

Time: 8am – 5pm

Place: Davis Conference Center, 1651 No. 700 W. Layton, UT 84041

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                              USEFUL WEBSITES:

http://www.caregiver.org (online webinars for caregivers)

http://www.tbicommunity.org (online educational programs)

http://www.braininjury.com (medical, legal, information resource)

http://www.abta.org (brain tumor education and information)

http://www.cdc.gov/ncipc/tbi (brain injury facts, programs, education)

http://www.ninds.nih.gov/Disorders/all-disorders (education for brain injury, stroke and other neurological disorders)

http://www.msktc.org/tbi (TBI Model Systems Knowledge Translation Center) national leaders in TBI research and patient care.

 http://www.nationalmssociety.org/Resources-Support (resource for those with MS)

http://www.epilepsy.com/utah and/or http://www.epilepsy.com (seizure education and support by state or national)

https://biau.org (resource for those with brain injury)

http://www.brainline.org (preventing, treating and living with TBI)

Laptops http://www.brainline.org/abbymaslin (blog about loving and learning after TBI)

http://www.unitingcaregivers.wordpress.com (caregivers sharing stories, tips and thoughts)

http://www.facebook.com/UTteensupportgroup (social interaction and the exchange useful resources)

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