Anticipating the New Year

As a child, December was a long month of anticipation and wonder. The excitement in the air nearly took my breath away. I felt gloomy when the Christmas season and school break came to an end. The thought of having to wait another twelve long months or 365 days to feel that kind of joy and excitement was dreadful. Many Christmas’s have come and gone and the month no longer brings a school break, in fact it’s just the opposite.

As an adult, December can feel like a month of endurance. At work it’s a month of year-end bookkeeping and preparations for the new year. It would be a busy month all on its own, but throw in Christmas and all the beautiful decorations, sounds of terrific music, pleasure of parties, delicious baking and delightful shopping because everything is on sale. It’s no wonder we feel exhausted, overwhelmed and often get sick.

At the end of the year I always suffer with melancholy. As a child, it was because the Christmas season and break was coming to an end, as an adult it’s because I remember the year’s resolutions I didn’t achieve and other unfulfilled expectations. I’m plagued with wondering how I can better plan for the new year and actually complete my goals.

 

I commit the sin to often  of comparing myself to others and what they have accomplished. I question why I can’t do better. The antidote to melancholy is optimism and I’m giving myself a healthy dose of it over the next week as I prepare for a new year, new beginnings and a better me.

A change of heart occurs when I reflect on the blessing of family, friends and experiences of the past year with grateful heart. When I’m thankful I find peace with my life and my relationships. This is what December and every other month should feel like—joy, peace, gratitude and goodwill to all mankind. If you are reading this, I thank you for being a part of my life’s journey.

I’d like to share with you my plans for the new year. In the past, Uniting Caregivers has had three categories: Sunday Stories, Tuesday Tips and Thursday Thoughts. I’ve decided to drop the day and have  categories of Stories, Tips and Thoughts. I still plan on posting three times a week, but without the days listed two stories may be posted in a week or two tips, or two thoughts depending on the inspiration that week. If a guest author has written two parts to their story it could be posted simultaneously on a Sunday and then on Tuesday. At least one inspirational story will be posted every week and the follow up tip may be shorter than in the past.

 

 

There Are Angels Among Us

Last year I wrote Traditions Make a Family Close. All my life we’ve had a huge Christmas party with grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Tonight the traditional party went on. Family and friends make the holiday special. I dedicate this song to you—for you are the angels among us.

Who are the angels in your life? Below are some of mine.

 

 Live Nativity

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

and… sharing the gift of talents 

Now for the lion hunt!

Technology makes sharing a special talent across the states possible!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Amy, thanks for your photography talent and for sharing your pictures with me.

Thank you Mom and Dad for a great party. You work hard for weeks to get ready. We appreciate you keeping the tradition and providing us with fun times which keeps our family close. You are definitely angels among us!

The Joy of Acceptance

Layne and Judy Coon are great examples of accepting others. I lived next door to them for sixteen years and also worked with Judy at Zion’s Bank for three of those years. I know Judy as a co-worker as well as a neighbor. I can’t think of another person I know who’s better at accepting others. Maybe it comes naturally to Judy because of her brother, Ricky, who had Down syndrome, Autism and Alzheimer’s. She was Ricky’s primary caregiver for the last sixteen years of his life. Some of those years she was still raising three children. She also helped raise my two children. Our son, Christopher, was best friends with their youngest, Tony. Our daughter, Katie, often played with their older daughter, Becky. When our accident happened, Judy was there for our children after school and whenever needed. Through it all, she had the love and support of her husband, Layne. The two of them are angels among us and can be seen with smiles because of the love and service they give to all.

I learned from them that accepting our situation would allow us to feel joy. By focusing on the positive, we can make the best of any circumstances. Tim Gray wrote a wonderful story about Ricky in 2010, a year before he passed away. Some of it was published last Sunday and this is more of the story.

Judy says she learned patience through her childhood interactions with Ricky. “I think it’s natural for a child to be patient with another child who has problems. It’s just automatic now.”

Judy discovered the best way to help Ricky from watching her parents. Ricky was extremely stubborn and her father was strict with him, but her mother found a better way to reach him. “My mom learned that all she had to do was put her arms around him and love him and he would melt. Ricky would do anything mom asked,“ Judy said. Ricky can often be seen extending both arms out to people, motioning for a hug. Never a hugger, Judy learned to be one for Ricky.

Like most people, Ricky has good days and bad days. The difference is with Alzheimer’s, Ricky’s bad days are beginning to increase. On a good day, Ricky’s facial expressions and gestures are often like a joyful child pleased with something they did. He can’t wait to show what he’s accomplished to anyone in sight, especially Judy. On a bad day, Ricky looks worn out and perhaps just wants to be left alone. Sometimes he cries quietly with a look of inconsolable confusion on his rapidly aging face. Each time Ricky finds Judy all is well again.

Ricky enjoyed doing dishes for Judy. “He would take dishes out of the dishwasher and put them away. But, as his Alzheimer’s has gotten worse, the results were mixed. Ricky started taking cups off the counter that were dirty and putting them away. We started watching for dirty cups and stuff,” Judy says laughing, even though she knows it’s not funny.

“When Ricky was a boy, he could walk for miles and find his way home. He had a really good sense of direction. But now, Ricky has a hard time finding his way to the bathroom and at home he started asking permission to go to the bathroom.” Judy says.

Some interesting facts Tim Gray included in his story:

Down syndrome occurs in approximately 1 in 800 live births, according to the National Association for Down syndrome. People with Down syndrome have 47 chromosomes instead of the normal 46. Characteristics include low muscle tone, a slightly flattened facial profile, and an upward slant of the eyes. Roughly 40 percent of children with Down syndrome have congenital heart defects.

Alzheimer’s affects 50 to 70 percent of individuals with Down syndrome by the time they reach 60 years old, according to the Alzheimer’s Association. The progression of Alzheimer’s in those with Down syndrome takes approximately 8 years, with symptoms so slight it can go unnoticed for years. The average life expectancy for people with Down syndrome is 55 years old.

Autism is characterized by a lack of development in social interaction, language, and behavioral issues, according to the Mayo Clinic. People with Autism often retreat into their own world. They may also repeat words or phrases without understanding how to use them. Behavioral issues sometimes include performing repetitive motions such as rocking, spinning, or hand flapping.

I want to follow Judy and Layne’s example of accepting others. By doing so, one finds joy and can see the true beauty in every person.

Customized Employment

 

In the article last Sunday, Moving in a New Direction, I stated that I feel Mark is better supported in a segregated environment where staff is trained to deal with his and many others’ special needs. However, I realize it isn’t in the best interest for all individuals with disabilities, so I research to find some information on customized employment.

You may wonder what customized employment entails. For clarification I went to  http://www.dol.gov/odep/categories/workforce/CustomizedEmployment/what/ 

“Customized employment is a flexible process designed to personalize the employment relationship between a job candidate and an employer in a way that meets the needs of both. It is based on an individualized match between the strengths, conditions, and interests of a job candidate and the identified business needs of an employer. Customized Employment utilizes an individualized approach to employment planning and job development — one person at a time . . . one employer at a time.

Customized employment will often take the form of:

• Task reassignment: Some of the job tasks of incumbent workers are reassigned to a new employee. This reassignment allows the incumbent worker to focus on the critical functions of his/her job (i.e., primary job responsibilities) and complete more of the central work of the job. Task reassignment typically takes the form of job creation, whereby a new job description is negotiated based on current, unmet workplace needs.
• Job carving: An existing job description is modified — containing one or more, but not all, of the tasks from the original job description.
• Job sharing: Two or more people share the tasks and responsibilities of a job based on each other’s strengths.

Less common — though becoming more established throughout the country — is Self-Employment as a form of Customized Employment. Self-employment allows for an individual to receive assistance in the creation of an independently owned small business (typically a micro enterprise, under five employees) based on the strengths and dreams of an individual and the unmet needs of a local market while incorporating the individualized planning and support strategies needed for success.”

Under the direction of federal government, Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS),the State of Utah Division of Services for People with Disabilities (DSPD) is developing a plan to help transition day programs, to better support individuals with disabilities in an integrated setting. To help in this transition, Ability and Choice Services is looking to hire people familiar with the Utah Division of Vocational Rehabilitation Services. In addition, people with job coaching experience and training would be very valuable. If you or someone you know is interested in these positions, please apply online at www.abilitychoice.org.

Ability and Choice Services are also looking for new work opportunities for the people they serve.  If you are aware of an employer who would consider a customized employment opportunity, please contact eric@abilitychoice.org. Thank you in advance for your consideration!

I also found two interesting and encouraging videos which are worth the watch.

Solutions for Employers

 

Creating Opportunities and Solutions

 

I hope this information is helpful and encouraging for those individuals who want to work, which has been so important for Mark’s self-esteem. I believe customized employment can be a win/win situation for both the employer and the employee and I hope more employers will consider how they might benefit from customized employment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Value of Work

1981, Mark working on an electrical meter

What value do you place on work? Some spend their lives trying to get out of it. I have learned it is worth more than the wage earned.  On Sunday I shared the difficulty Mark and I had adjusting to the realization that his twelve year successful career as an electrician had abruptly ended with a car accident that rendered him wheelchair dependent in 1991. He went through Vocational Rehab testing and they helped him get a job at Discover Card. However, that ended eight years later when they closed down the department he worked in.

We were introduced to community based adult work and activity centers, also known as work/activity day programs. This service generally cost between $40 and $100 a day depending on one’s geographic location. It was the first time I’d heard of paying a daily fee to make money and it seem especially senseless when that daily fee far exceeded the jobs income. It took years for me to understand the reason for the fee, partly because I didn’t believe the level of help Mark needed was worth $40 – $100. It was also tough to accept that a successful master electrician now needed help to do a simple job. Most individuals in this kind of program haven’t had previous work experience and need continued encouragement to stay focused on the work task given and constant reminders of how to do the job correctly. It was mentally and emotionally challenging for me to see Mark in this kind of setting, yet his physical limitations made it necessary. Mark was anxious and willing to do whatever he could to get out of the house and go to work.

How could we pay for such a service? Many participants receive funding through state and local agencies. Although the funding available varies in each state, most offer Medicaid waivers for individuals with specific needs. Mark didn’t qualify for Medicaid and was put on a long waiting list with the State of Utah Division of Services for People with Disabilities (DSPD) for a Brain Injury Waiver.

While on the waiting list I negotiated with a work/activity center which allowed Mark to work there. I promised that if they had his work set out for him, he’d need little supervision and no encouragement to get the task done. He is very self-motivated, but would need help getting into the bathroom and lunch. He worked there for years while on the DSPD waiting list cleaning used VHS tapes and DVDs and packaging them for resale. That job ended when the movie rental stores became obsolete due to Netflix and other like programs to see a movie at home.

After fifteen years on the waiting list, Mark received a TBI waiver and started work at Ability and Choice Services (ACS). They are also a community based work/activity center. He has done contract assembly work for the past six years putting drip system sprinkler kits together, scrapbook kits, assembling packaging boxes, filling them and preparing them for shipping. They have also had jobs assembling conference bags and processing returned products. Currently they have been assembling installation kits for Zaggs Invisible Shield Protector.

Mark enjoys the staff at ACS and the environment there. Since I drive Mark to and from work everyday I’ve realize how hard the staff works at making sure their clients are in a safe and clean environment. They tend to many individual needs who’s abilities widely vary. Most the clients seem happy to be there and the atmosphere is warm and caring. I appreciate the staff’s ability and knowledge in how to handle difficult situations including seizures, which Mark has occasionally due to his TBI. Unfortunately, the contract work with Zaggs is coming to an end without another contract on the horizon. In fact the State’s system of operation for work/activity day programs is changing and Mark’s work possibilities are in question once again. We won’t lose hope and know from experience that when one door closes another one opens.

Sometimes work is fun and sometimes it isn’t, but it’s always good for us. It keeps us strong physically, emotionally and mentally. It gives purpose to life. It builds self-esteem, respect, confidence and gives us something to be proud of.  It teaches us teamwork and how to get along with others. It gets our creative juices flowing as we iron out the kinks
that come along. I’ve come to understand the value of work far exceeds the wage earned.

 

What value do you place on work?

The Importance of Being Assertive

Positive assertive communication is based on mutual respect, an attitude which defends your rights without hurting those of others. Being assertive shows that you’re willing to stand up for your interests and express your thoughts and feelings. It also shows that you’re aware of the rights of others and are willing to work on resolving conflicts. As an example see Experience is a Great Teacher.

When using passive communication you may seem to be shy, overly easygoing, or avoiding conflict. Why is that a problem? Because the message you’re sending is that your thoughts and feelings aren’t as important as those of other people. When you’re passive, you give others the license to disregard your wants and needs, which can cause an internal conflict because your needs came second. The internal conflict can result in stress, resentment, anger, or feeling you’ve been victimized.

When using aggressive communication you may come across as a bully who disregards the needs, feelings and opinions of others. You may appear self-righteous or superior. Very aggressive people humiliate and intimidate others and may even be physically threatening. You may think being aggressive gets you what you want, however, it comes at a cost. Aggression undercuts trust and mutual respect. Others may come to resent you, leading them to avoid or oppose you.

By being assertive you gain self-confidence and self-esteem, which helps earn respect from others. It improves your communication and decision making skills. Recognizing and understanding your feelings and communicating them assertively creates honest relationships and win-win situations. It’s a behavior where a person neither attacks nor submits to another person’s will, but expresses beliefs. Assertive is half way between passive and aggressive and is the ideal method of communication. It also helps with stress management, especially if you tend to take on too many responsibilities because you have a hard time saying no. Some people seem to be naturally assertive, but if you’re not one of them, you can learn. Here are some tips I found from the Mayo Clinic website to help you become more assertive:

• Assess your style. Do you voice your opinions or remain silent? Do you say yes to additional work even when your plate is full? Are you quick to judge or blame? Do people seem to dread or fear talking to you? Understand your style before you begin making changes.
• Use ‘I’ statements. Using “I” statements lets others know what you’re thinking without sounding accusatory. For instance, say, “I disagree,” rather than, “You’re wrong.”
• Practice saying no. If you have a hard time turning down requests, try saying, “No, I can’t do that now.” Don’t hesitate — be direct. If an explanation is appropriate, keep it brief.
• Rehearse what you want to say. If it’s challenging to say what you want or think, practice typical scenarios you encounter. Say what you want to say out loud. It may help to write it out first, too, so you can practice from a script. Consider role-playing with a friend or colleague and ask for blunt feedback.
• Use body language. Communication isn’t just verbal. Act confident even if you aren’t feeling it. Keep an upright posture, but lean forward a bit. Make regular eye contact. Maintain a neutral or positive facial expression. Don’t wring your hands or use dramatic gestures. Practice assertive body language in front of a mirror or with a friend or colleague.
• Keep emotions in check. Conflict is hard for most people. Maybe you get angry or frustrated, or maybe you feel like crying. Although these feelings are normal, they can get in the way of resolving conflict. If you feel too emotional going into a situation, wait a bit if possible. Then work on remaining calm. Breathe slowly. Keep your voice even and firm.

Four more tips that I want to remember for assertive communication:

• Be respectful and kind.
• Use specific examples, don’t generalize.
• Provide objective and pertinent insights.
• Don’t judge or attack the others.

What tips do you have on assertive communication? What has been your experience with doing so?

Three Ways to a Wonderful Life

Tomorrow, November 12th, is Mark’s birthday and as I searched the internet looking for something which describes and honors him, I came up with these three things he does daily to make his life and mine wonderful.

1) Have a sense of humor.
Mark has a great sense of humor, which makes living with him both enjoyable and entertaining. He makes me laugh in stressful times. No matter where we are he knows how to put strangers at ease with humor. When we left the hospital Friday, two nurses said, “I’m sure going to miss you here. You made me laugh and brought joy to my day.” He was going through a difficult, two day preparation before a colonoscopy, but still made the nurses laugh.

2) Never quit on what you want to achieve.

Mark is a winner because he never quits. He keeps working on and believing in his abilities. His perseverance is an inspiration to all who know him. He works hard at everything he does and when he doesn’t accomplish what he’d hoped to, he works at not letting it get him down. I’m proud of his determination and positive attitude. I consider myself a winner also because I’m married to him.

3) Choose to be happy.

 Mark definitely chooses to be happy. He has good reason to be sad and disappointed in life, but he chooses not to be. He forgives and forgets thoughtless comments. He’s never demanding and always appreciative of all that he has. He’s a joy to take care of because he has such a grateful heart, which makes it all worthwhile.

For fun pictures of Mark in his youth click here.

What makes your life wonderful?  I’d love to hear your ways.

I hope you have a great day which leads to a wonderful life!

The Benefits of Support Groups and Conferences

Photo from Brian Injury Alliance of Utah Newsletter BIAU 2013 Conference

I haven’t forgotten the first time I was encouraged to attend a class on understanding brain injury at the hospital. I thought, no way. I’m overwhelmed as it is and I don’t need one more thing to do. Besides I’m dealing with the effects of brain injury on a daily basis and this is not a class I want to sign up for.

I went to my first class kicking and screaming inside, I don’t want to be here! I don’t want to deal with this injury nor do I want my husband to have it. All the wishing it wasn’t so and disliking the situation didn’t change the fact that Mark had a traumatic brain injury and I had to learn to deal with it. I came to the conclusion I’d better learn all I could to help prepare me for the time he woke up from his coma. I wish I could say the things I learned in those classes made it less frightening, but I don’t think it did. However, I did find comfort in being in a room with others who were dealing with the same devastation I was and the information was helpful.

Over the past twenty-three years Mark and I have continued to go to support groups and the annual conferences. We haven’t gone every year, but when we do go we benefit from other peoples’ experiences and knowledge, as well as the resources that are shared. Now days it’s easy to look up information on the internet, but then you’re missing out on connecting with real people. Whatever health issue you or your loved one is dealing with, I hope there is a support group, classes and conferences that relate to the problem. The human experience plus the information and resources I’ve gained through these avenues has made the time invested worthwhile.

As an example, the Brain Injury Alliance of Utah had their annual family and professional conference on October 24, 2014. This year it was held at the Ogden Eccles Conference Center. The conference was full of information, with two sessions offering four classes to choose from. It began at 8 am with registration and a light breakfast. There was an hour to eat, look at exhibits from the sponsors and pick up information from the resource tables. Always a favorite is the silent auction. There were tables full of homemade items, books signed by the author and even airline tickets to bid on. The silent auction and resource tables last throughout the day and can be viewed and bid on between the sessions, with the final bidding after the second session.

This year’s conference theme was Life Will Go On. Every year the theme is different and after breakfast a keynote speaker bases their talk on the theme before breaking up into the first session of classes. After the first session there was a delicious lunch and recognition awards given to five individuals for their contribution to the brain injury community. The categories were: Survivor of Brain Injury, Family Member, Educator, Professional and Lifetime contribution.

After lunch and the awards, the second session begins. Afterwards, the final bids are collected for the silent auction. This is a favorite at the conference and all of the raised funds from the auction go to serving the Utah brain injured community.

Last, but not least, there is a panel discussion. Many people do not stay for this last hour, however, I have always found it to be very informative and I enjoy the interaction of the discussion. The panel usually consists of four to six people who sometimes are all professionals or family members to discuss the conference theme. I’m grateful for the knowledge shared by their experience and take away so much good information. I leave with renewed hope and support from the conference. On a daily basis I can be consumed with worry and overwhelmed with responsibility and my world can become inward and small. It’s helpful to get out and see others in a related situation and it always builds a desire within to reach out and help another. There is strength in numbers and encouragement that comes from being with others who are dealing with the same chronic illness or injury.

The ABC’s of Parenting

The sacrifices parents make for their children was brought back to my attention while working with Ann McDougall the past two Sundays on The Receiving End of Caregiving, Part 1 and Part 2. She had to sacrifice more than most, but I believe all do on some level or another.

I entered the parenting field thirty-two years ago. I don’t remember ever thinking about the sacrifices we were making because we were doing what we knew we should for them like our own parents had done for us. However, after the children left home, money wasn’t as tight, we had more time to do what we wanted to do and it was easier to keep the house clean, but all the sacrifice of time, energy and financial strain was worth it!

I’m so grateful we were blessed with two children. We’ve had our share of power struggles and personality conflicts, but I don’t wish them away because I’ve learned so much about myself and other people from my children. It’s a challenge bringing children into the world and raising them. The load of being responsible for another person can seem heavy at times, but I can’t imagine anything bringing more joy or being more rewarding.

It makes me sad all children don’t receive the same amount of love, concern and opportunities. I was far from perfect in my parenting skills and still am. I see other parents and wish I could have been more like them. Yet, I put my heart and soul into parenting. Sure, I wish I’d done better at some things and if I’d known then what I know today it would have been much easier.  However, my conscience is clear because I did the best I knew how under hard circumstances.

Because I’m not an expert on parenting, I Googled abc of parenting and found a few lists. I took my favorites from the lists and made my own.

Accountability—hold your children accountable for their behavior.

Boundaries—set specific limit and make clear the repercussions if those limits are exceeded.

Consistency—hold to the same principles and practices.

Discipline—make the punishment fit the crime. Never discipline in anger.

Example—children are in greater need of models than critics. Set a good example.

Forgiveness—practice and teach it.

Giving—teach the joy of giving, not only to family and friends, but to strangers in need.

Humor—eases tense moments. Keep a sense of humor.

Imagination—be creative and play with your children.

Justice—be fair and treat your children as you want to be treated.

Know—your child’s friends and their parents as well as their teachers.

Listen—to your children.

Morals—be sure your own standard of conduct is sound.

No—if you use it, mean it.

Outdoors—provides fun activities. Be there as much as possible and teach respect for nature.

Play—with your children as often as possible.

Questions—make them to the point. Your answers to their questions need to be short and simple. Their attention span is short.

Respect—show them respect and earn it for yourself.

Source of strength—share your own faith, or beliefs, with your children. Faith can be their port in the storms of life.

Togetherness—have special designated times to be together as a family, but know when to let go, too.

Uniqueness—understand the uniqueness of each child and let that child be who he or she is.

Voice—your tone of voice can convey more to a child than the words spoken.

Words—think about the words before they’re spoken. Keep your word. Promises broken destroy trust.

eXamine—constantly be aware of what is going on in your child’s life.

You—take care of yourself mentally, physically and spiritually. A happy parent helps a child to be happy.

Zero—in on practicing good parenting skills every day.

I’m grateful to be a parent and I love my children dearly. They are the light of my life and I miss living with them, even with all the chaos it brought. Enjoy them while you can. They grow up so fast.

Caregiving Tips from Ann McDougall

What became obvious to me as I read and edited Ann’s story last Sunday was how caregivers need other caregivers to be capable of doing what needs to be done. Her viewpoint wasn’t as a caregiver, but one that was receiving the care. However, she is a mother and all parents are caregivers. I learned from Ann’s story how important others were to enable her to give the care needed for her baby’s development and the care of her three year old son, Liam. I relate to that in my own caregiving journey. It’s clear to me I can’t do it alone. I don’t know anyone who can. Sometimes we may feel alone, but I hope that feeling doesn’t last.  Ann’s experience with being on bed rest for twenty-eight weeks taught her what was important to a person on the receiving end of caregiving. The following five tips were shared and written by Ann McDougall:

• Be proactive. It was appreciated when others would ask what is needed and then follow through. With some people I was comfortable saying exactly what I needed and with others I wasn’t. I have a close friend who asked what she could do for me besides come visit and I asked her to pick up some specific snacks for me. I wouldn’t tell just anybody that. I had other friends who brought me crafts to do to keep me busy. All the supplies were ready so I could easily do it in bed.
• If you say you are going to visit, visit. They are so important to someone who can’t get out. I felt isolated and lonely and really looked forward to the visits. I have a grandma who went blind in her old age. She was homebound and had to rely on caregivers. I know my grandma felt a lot of loneliness and thrived on visits. I have more empathy and compassion for people, especially the elderly, who are home alone all day and not able to do everything for themselves like they used to. Calls, texts, and Facebook messages were a good alternative to visits and were also appreciated.
• Pick one doctor to be the primary doctor and stick with his/her opinion. When I was in the hospital, I saw a team of doctors who worked in the same specialty area. I also saw student doctors working under those doctors. Each one had a slightly different opinion and approach to my care. Before I was admitted, I had already picked one doctor to be my primary doctor so I was able to refer back to his opinion.
• Remember the children. My mom brought toys to the hospital for Liam. It gave him something to do while he was there and those toys stayed at the hospital so they weren’t the same toys at home. He looked forward to those special toys and it helped make the boring, small hospital room a bit more inviting. Another visitor brought a children’s story book just for him that also stayed in my room. He loved it and still does.
• Consistent child care is important, especially for young children. Liam struggled when I was on bed rest at home because I wasn’t able to get up and do things for him or play with him and when I was admitted to the hospital, his world was turned completely upside down. He acted out by hitting and had a huge potty training regression. It was tough for me to ask people to watch him because I knew he would be difficult to be around, especially if he didn’t know the person well. It was a huge help when my mom was able to take Liam the majority of the time. It helped Liam to have the same person watching him with a consistent routine. He knew what to expect from day to day, where he would be and when he would get to see me. I appreciated the many people who offered to take him, but I knew it was best if he wasn’t shuffled from house to house. I know it was hard for my mom to have him most of the time, but we were so grateful she was able to take care of him.