Now and Forever

June 2014, two men struggled to get Mark into our friends convertible, but it was a great ride and memory now. 

In just one moment, our life’s journey took a drastic change and now I can’t help but relate our life as before or after April 27, 1991. In my mind it’s like I have two filing cabinets, one holds memories of before and the other after the car accident. Much love is contained in each cabinet, however the two different lifestyles did changed our relationship. The one constant is as Carole King sings, “Now and forever, I will always think of you.”

I still miss the way things were in my before cabinet and enjoy reflecting on the files contained there. I have to smile at the possibility of my mind embellishing those twelve years of memories, because most of the files hold an easier and happier way of life.

Anniversaries have a way of making me reflect. Because it will be twenty-five years in just a few days, I realize my married life after the accident cabinet holds more than double the files of my before cabinet. To lift my spirit I’ve set my sights on writing about the positive aspects contained in my after cabinet, which I consider blessings.

I’m glad Mark and I survived the accident which could have taken both of our lives. I’m grateful our children weren’t with us when it happened. At the young ages of seven and eight, they appeared to be more resilient and accepting of our new lifestyle than they might have been if they were teenagers at the time. Their childlike belief that all would be well kept us working towards their expectations.

I’m thankful the accident happened before we moved instead of after. I’m grateful for the advice and insight of others to stop the sale of our home. This unfamiliar road would have been so much harder had we been attempting to get settled in a new house while seeking new friendships. I appreciate the love and support we felt from our Sandy neighborhood. The benefits of Mark returning home to a familiar place surrounded by familiar people proved to be immeasurable, especially with his short-term memory problem.

There are unexpected advantages to Mark’s memory issues, such as not recalling the pain and length of time in rehabilitation. I believe his poor short-term memory has saved him from depression. He is fun to be with and works hard to accomplish things which used to come easy. His example of patience, endurance and the constant expression of appreciation encourage me to do and be better.

We’re fortunate Mark regained consciousness after three months of being comatose and remembered the most valuable things in life—faith, family and friends. He retains his determination and quick-wit. He enjoys making people laugh and reminds me that bringing happiness to others brings joy to oneself. He teaches me what’s most important in life and encourages me not to worry about all the other stuff.

I appreciate of the wonderful people we’ve met since our accident and their positive examples. They are mentors who give me strength, courage and faith that I can succeed in my caregiving journey. I’m grateful for all those who have shared a part of their stories as guest authors on Uniting Caregivers.

We’re happy to live in a wheelchair accessible home which provides comfort and conveniences, making our life easier. We’re fortunate to share our home with my parents who are willing to help in every way they can.

We’re lucky to have friends who love and encourage us. Friends who made our move to Draper easier. They welcomed and helped us feel comfortable right from the start. We moved just five years after the accident and we were still adjusting to a new way of life. Their warm reception and support made our new pathway bright.

I’m privileged to have parents and siblings who are generous with love and service. We’re blessed they live close by and we can call on them at any time. If possible and needed, we know they’d come at a moment’s notice to assist in any way they could.

I’m fortunate to have the acceptance and love of Mark’s family and although they live in other states, we know of their concern and care for us. I’m thankful for cell phones, email and social media, which bridges the distance and keeps us connected.

I’m blessed to be a part of a large extended family where cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews are involved in our lives. We cherish our relationship with each one and I’m grateful for their love and loyalty to family.

Looking at all these files of blessings, I realize our life has turned out just as it should for our own personal growth. Our journey may have taken an unthinkable turn on April 27,1991—one I wouldn’t have chosen, nor expected or could have prepared for. However, joy is found in the after the accident cabinet. I believe happiness can be now and forever because Mark is a part of me and I will always be with him.

Five Traits of True Grit

August 2015, Mark bicycling for the first time with his new right hip.

It’s hard to describe the behavior of grit unless you know someone who has it. Sunday I wrote about A Man With True Grit which has become my favorite way to describe my husband, Mark. I used to relate grit to cowboys and believed they had to have it to survive the rugged, wild west, withstanding harsh elements, hunger and loneliness. However, the more I research it and am surrounded by people in a rehab center who are enduring pain and fatigue while living in unfamiliar territory, I’m realizing it’s a trait we all need. So what is grit?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, grit in the context of behavior is defined as “firmness of mind or spirit; unyielding courage in the face of hardship or danger.”  Five personality traits I see in gritty people are:

• Determination is a quality that makes you continue trying to do or achieve something that is difficult.Behind every success there are moments of doubt when quitting appears to be the best option.  A person with grit is firm even though it costs to keep going in the face of failure. They have an unwavering adherence to their purpose. They are unstoppable, firm and strong willed.

• Perseverance is the quality that allows you to continue trying to do something even though it is difficult. Gritty people are not near-sighted. They are willing to wait, knowing today’s effort is an investment in the long run. They accomplish great things because they are willing to work hard for a long period of time. They have a long-term perspective, understanding the theory of an investment today becomes a fortune in the future. Pain today benefits tomorrow.

• Endurance is the quality of remaining for a long time. People with grit don’t quit. They keep charging forward despite setbacks. High-grit people recognize the cost of quitting and are determined to stick with it. They don’t give up on the future for an easier present. They would rather die trying than stop and that’s why they usually reach the finish line.

• Fortitude is the strength of mind that enables a person to encounter danger or bear pain or adversity with courage. A person with grit endures disappointments with steadfastness and patience. Because gritty people take on the most difficult challenges, they have an intimate knowledge of failure, but they do not view failure as an obstacle or the finish line. They don’t run from failure, they use it. Each failure becomes a step in the staircase to success.

• Courage is the ability to do something that you know is difficult, frightening or dangerous. Gritty people are brave and not afraid to do what they believe is right. Courage is not the absence of fear, but the strength to face it. Even the grittiest warriors feels fear, but they face it. Every time we face a fear, it loses some of its power. Fear exerts as much control as you allow it. If you nurture fear, it will grow. If you face fear, it dissolves.

Life is tough, bringing each of us different challenges. Exercising these five traits will increase our grit and help us overcome our challenges.

I’m grateful for a man who is willing to tough it out while hanging on to hope and his knowledge of God.

What characteristics do you see in a person with true grit?

References:

http://www.learnersdictionary.com/definition

http://joshirby.com/2014/07/03/five-characteristics-of-high-grit-people/

 

Self-fulfillment

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s hard to beat the wonderful feeling of achievement after hard work, determination and endurance.

Exercises That Will Floor You

Over the past seventeen years, Mark’s exercise program has changed a bit as he has improved or his needs have changed. On Monday and Wednesday nights, when the volunteers come to help Mark, we start by getting him down on carpeted floor. This takes two people, one on each side.

Exercise tools: a 2′ x 4’sliding board, 2 barbell weights, 12 plastic cups, 2 wash cloths, folding chair, doorway bar and walker.

Together we do the following exercises:

1.  BRIDGING – While lying on his back with knees bent, Mark pushes his hips up as far as he can, holding a second and then lowers his hips back down. A person needs to hold Mark’s feet down so they don’t slide out and steady his legs, keeping his knees together. 25-50 times

2a. BUTTERFLIES – With arms straight out against the floor at shoulder height, with a weight in each hand, Mark lifts his arms straight up over the middle of his face. While Mark does this, a person can do the leg press (2b). 30 butterflies per each leg press

2b. LEG PRESS – Since Mark is in a wheelchair all day long it’s hard for him to straighten out his legs. Mark can do the butterfly exercise (2a) while a person is pressing the leg down to the floor with one hand above the knee and the other hand below the knee.  Hold each leg down for 30 seconds 

3.  HIP STRETCH – With knees bent and feet together, stretch the knees apart.  Hold 30 seconds – 3 times

***Take Mark’s shoes off and use the sliding board for exercises 4 and 5***

4.  KNEE BENDS – With Mark lying on his back with the sliding board under his legs and feet, a person assists Mark in sliding his foot towards his buttocks. Mark can do this exercise well with the right leg, but the left leg needs a lot of assistance. Sometimes another person has to move it a few times before Mark can do it on his own. Sometimes the brain does not kick in at all and on those times the helper needs to bend the left knee upwards and let Mark try to hold it there, without letting in slide down the board. 10 knee bends per leg

 5.  HIP FLEX & ABDUCT – With Mark lying on his back with the sliding board under both legs, slide 1 leg straight out at a time in a snow angel movement.  His left leg will need assistance. Each side 10 times

***Put Mark’s shoes back on***

6.  CRUNCHES – This exercise uses 12 plastic cups. For this exercise a person sitting on each side of Mark will help stabilize his bent knees. One holds the stacked cups at Mark’s shoulder height about two feet from his shoulder. Mark reaches across his body with his right hand to get one cup that is held on his left side. Once he has the cup, he puts it in his left hand and reaches across his body to set the cup on his right side. This exercise rotates the upper body while the lower body is stabilized.  He will move the stack of cups to one side and then back again.

***Mark rolls over on his stomach with a towel placed under his face for comfort***

7.  BACKWARD SHOULDER STRETCH – With arms down by his side, Mark lifts his arms upward together and then back down. 25 times

8.  OUTWARD SHOULDER STRETCH – Both arms straight out at shoulder height. Hold stretch for at least 60-90 seconds

9.  SUPERMAN STRETCH – Both arms straight up over his head like superman. Hold stretch for at least 60 seconds

10. QUAD STRETCH – While lying on his stomach, Mark bends his knee backwards trying to kick his buttocks. Each side15 times

11. PUSH UPS – While on his stomach and hands under his shoulders, Mark should push up.  He has a hard time with this exercise, but it’s good for him to try. 15 times

12. BALANCE ON ALL FOURS – While one person is helping Mark push back with his arms, another will help bend Mark’s knees forward and lift him up so that he is balancing on his knees and hands. This is necessary because Mark is so ridged. Hold for 60 seconds

Mark doing tall kneeling exercise with Lee & Kathy Sadler

13. BALANCING – Use the back side of a folding chair for this exercise. While Mark is on his hands and knees he shifts his weight to climb the back parts of the folding chair, similar to climbing a ladder with his hands. 3-5 times

14. TALL KNEELING – Again, with the use of the back side of the folding chair, Mark wil climb up until he is on his knees. Move the chair and have Mark balance on his knees. A person needs to be on each side of Mark in case he loses his balance. Balance at least 60 seconds without holding onto the chair.

15. STANDING – From the tall kneeling position, with a person on each side they will assist Mark in standing up.

16. BAR STANDING – We have a bar that runs across a doorway between braces. We also have a foot brace for Mark’s feet while he does this exercise. Mark stands, holding onto the bar for at least 60 seconds. It takes another person to assist him up to the bar and give verbal cues in keeping his balance with upright posture and straight knees.

17. WALKING WITH A WALKER – Mark can walk with some verbal cues and support.  One person should follow behind him with the wheelchair so he can rest when needed. This is done around the house or outside when weather permits. Usually takes 5 to 10 minutes and is Mark’s goal for the night.

***The total time for exercise routine is 45 – 60 minutes***

Click below to see Mark walk.