Marathon vs. Sprint

Imagine Credit: tobyamidornutrition.com

I loved the analogy in Evey’s Story Update by Cally Johnson, when she stated, “We continue to learn that our caregiving journey is a marathon and not a sprint.” The quote reminds me that often caregiving is a long run which tests endurance, rather than running full speed over a short distance. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the enormous responsibility. A single life is busy enough, but add the care of another person and you may be dashing at full speed to doctor’s appointments, therapy and taking care of whatever other necessities they may have. How do we take care of all these responsibilities without exhaustion?

A few ideas I’ve come up with while thinking of Cally and Nate’s caregiving example:

• Make time for recreation. The Johnson’s take family vacations and do other fun activities often. From personal experience I know it’s not easy to pack up a family and go somewhere. When you have added equipment and medical issues, it becomes cumbersome and more difficult. Doing it anyway gives you a change of scenery, a break from routine and builds memories that get you through the hard times.
• Regular date nights. If you’re a couple caring for a child, it’s important to make time for your relationship. Hopefully during a date night you can forget about the cares at home and just enjoy one another’s company while building a stronger relationship. If you’re a caregiver to a spouse, dates are equally important for the same reasons. Hopefully you can forget you’re the caregiver for just a few hours while enjoying each others company, building a stronger relationship and just being a spouse for a time. Hopefully, your spouse will enjoy it too.
• Make time for yourself. Pursuing a hobby is refreshing, whether it’s reading, writing, gardening, sports or playing an instrument. Doing something you enjoy which rests your mind and body from the worry and care of another person builds strength for enduring the hard times.
• Be physically fit. Just as a marathon runner should train for a race, so should caregivers. A weak person is not capable of dressing, transferring, bathing, pushing wheelchairs, preparing meals and feeding another. Exercise improves muscle strength and boosts endurance. It’s essential for safely managing the physical help needed for your loved one. Don’t forget that exercise can also improve your mood and releases stress.
• Let others assist. If someone offers to help, let them. They will feel better and so will you. When they realize you’ll accept rather than reject their offer they may be encouraged to do more. Remember, a marathon runner gets encouragement from others, lots of drinks and snacks along the way. The support helps the runner complete the race. As Cally also stated, “There continue to be highs and lows and battles to fight, but we’re feeling more seasoned and continue to be in awe of all the goodness that surrounds us.” Let goodness surround you also.

What other tips do you have for the daily or weekly scurry to the finish line?

The Book of Life

The years come and go and each one leaves me a little older with a different perspective on life.  It’s a good time to reflect on where we’ve been, how far we’ve come and appreciate the people who have been by our side through it all.

Our 2014 chapter review:

We love and appreciate our home, which we have shared with Mom and Dad for eighteen years.  We enjoy helping each other and find comfort in having them close by. They will celebrate their 65^th wedding anniversary in 2015. We’re grateful for their example and all we have learned from them.

Our son, Christopher, moved to Vancouver, WA in September. He is still working as an Air Conditioning and Heating Technician and found employment there. He is enjoying his adventure in a new city and state. He lives in the same town as his Grandma Wilson, Aunt Karen and Uncle Mark. We miss him, but we are grateful he is living close to family and the opportunity they have to spend more time together. We only wish we could be in two states at one time.

Dad, Mom, Chris, Katie, Eldin, Barbara & Mark

Our daughter, Katie, and her husband, Eldin, live in West Valley, UT. Eldin works for American Express and Katie just celebrated five years with her own business, Graphic Forte, where she’s a successful graphic designer. They are very busy with Eldin being a bishop for the past 3 ½ years. It is so rewarding to watch both Eldin and Katie grow in this calling.

Katie had her cancerous thyroid and several surrounding lymph nodes removed in March 2014. She recovered well and is cancer free now. She looks great and is feeling better, which we are so grateful for.

Mark has spent his weekdays working at Ability Choice Services doing assembling work, but that contract will end this month. I’m still working as an account manager for Earthwork Property Management and appreciate the opportunity they allow for me to have a home office.

I started UnitingCaregivers.com in October 2013 and will have posted 190 articles by the end of this month. It’s time consuming, but rewarding and has far exceeded my expectations. Thoughts of what I’m going to write about are constantly dancing around in my head. I am also a part of two writing groups, American Night Writers Association and League of Utah Writers. I enjoy my association with these two groups and they’re part of the inspiration that keeps me writing.

Another hobby is gardening. We had a great vegetable garden this year with lots of squash, corn, cantaloupe, tomatoes, peppers, onion, cucumbers and broccoli. Unfortunately, the brussel sprouts, cabbage and cauliflower didn’t do well. We also have twelve grapevines, lots of raspberry and blackberry bushes, along with two strawberry beds. Mark was a great help with canning lots of salsa, vegetable soup and grape jam. We also expanded the orchard to twelve fruit trees this year, but the trees are not producing enough fruit to bottle yet. Having one acre gives us a lot of work, but we enjoy being outdoors so it’s great.

Mark and I with Mark Fox, the award presenter.

Mark received the Survivor Award this year at the Annual Brain Injury Alliance of Utah Family and Professional Conference. It’s been twenty-three years since the car accident. He’s not only survives, but thrives and we are so proud of his perseverance, positive attitude and endurance. Mark’s mother flew in from Washington and was there for the ceremony along with my parents, siblings, Katie and Eldin. It was a day we will always remember, which extended into a wonderful weekend as Mark’s sister, Karen, and brother-in-law, Mark, flew in later that night to spend a few days with us in celebration. We loved spending time with them and enjoyed taking them to Sundance and Park City.

Katie, Eldin, Barbara, Mark, Mark Ray, Karen & Mom W.  We’re missing Chris, Jerrie & Jon.

 

Our days have been full with work, gardening, exercise, plays, concerts and writing. No time for trips this year, but we are looking forward to going to Idaho and Washington next year to visit family.

With December coming to a screeching halt I look forward to a new chapter of happy and exciting times, but realize some sad and difficult times will be sprinkled in the mix. I’m anxious to turn the page and see what I’ll have to write about in the next chapter.

I hope 2015 brings you good health and much happiness.

Finding Relief

We have all had our share of dark days where grief, worry and sadness overcome us. If you have life and love you can’t escape heart ache. In my article The Blessing of Comfort, I reflected on what got me through the darkest hours after the car accident. The empathy from an EMT, hearing my sister-in-law’s voice say she would make sure my parents knew, the gentle care of nurses and a Priesthood blessing from one man I hardly knew and the other a complete stranger.

I am grateful for caring people who bring comfort and I strive to be this kind of person, as I’m sure most of us do. However, there are times and situations when we are alone in our sadness. We can’t always count on other people to help us feel better. This is why I believe religion is important. Taking time to ponder and pursue what you believe gives inner strength. Your beliefs may be different than mine and that’s okay. I rely on mine to help me past the sorrow and I thank God in my prayers every day for the peace and comfort I find in my religion.

When friends and family can’t be there, where do you find comfort?

We belong to a monthly support group for brain injury survivors and caregivers. A few months ago the topic was on self-care and where we find relief from sadness. Some of the things mentioned were: gardening, reading a good book, bubble baths, mediation, running, swimming, walking, playing sports and other fun physical activities. Of course I mentioned writing, because it’s therapeutic for me and I started when Mark was in rehab.

It is important to actively fill our souls by doing things which bring us enjoyment in life. Sometimes it’s hard to make time, especially when you’re a caregiver, but as stated on the airlines, in a crisis you have to put your own oxygen mask on before you can help another.

In our busy lives it’s easy to go through a day doing all the tasks which need to be done without thinking about what brings us comfort or joy. If we don’t stop for a minute to contemplate and be thankful for those things which brings light into our life, it becomes dreadful and empty. By recognizing, appreciating, and doing those things which bring happiness, we strengthen in ourselves and increase our ability to fulfill the unwanted tasks in life. Consider what brings you comfort or joy, be grateful for those things and seek opportunities to do them. Make your own bolster list to help you avoid the sadness and on those days when it arises, you will find solace and some respite in doing something you enjoyed.

When you realize what gives you a break from the everyday grind, make it a priority in your life, not to consume your whole day, but to shed the necessary light which will enable you to navigate the journey.

I look forward to reading your thoughts and the actions you take in finding relief in the comment box below. By sharing you might reinforce an idea or give another person a thought which could help them on their pathway through life.

Thanks for reading!