How to Live in Thanksgiving Daily

I’ve noticed people who have a gratitude attitude are the happiest kind of people in the world. It’s a quality which makes them more likable and at peace with themselves. Think about a happy person you know. I’d be willing to bet they are grateful for what they have, look for the best in all circumstances and are a joy to be around. They tend to make others feel better about themselves. Where there is an abundance of gratitude, there is happiness.

Now, think about an unhappy person. Are they resentful and bitter because life didn’t turn out the way they thought it should? You might hear them say something like, “If only I were smarter, had a new car, a college degree or a different job, spouse or parent, then I could be happy.” There are many good reasons for us not to be happy and it’s easy to blame our unhappiness on the things we lack in life. The more we focus on the things we don’t have, the more unhappy and more resentful we become. The lack of gratitude can make us miserable. I know from my own experience I am much happier when I appreciate what I do have rather than concentrating on what I don’t have.

My best example of someone who lives in thanksgiving daily is my husband, Mark. I don’t know of another person who is more grateful, happy and gives more joy to others. I also don’t know anyone who has more reason to be bitter, resentful, or has more cause for deep sadness due to loss of abilities, a beloved career and painful health issues. I know I am lucky to be a caregiver to one who has such a grateful heart. I know many caregivers who are not as fortunate. The inability to appreciate others causes criticism of efforts and does not allow one to acknowledge another’s contributions. My life with Mark is a happy one, largely because he lives in thanksgiving daily. Three ways he shows his appreciation are:

Says “Thank You” Often — Two simple words, yet they are so powerful! Hearing those words is a great payment for the care or deed that is done. Joy and appreciation is felt when I hear those words and it makes my efforts worthwhile.

Writes Thank You Notes — Letters of appreciation are a keepsake and tangible evidence of gratitude for what has been given or done. I have hundreds of such notes written on regular lined paper in three ring binders, which I treasure.

Compliments — He notices the work that goes into a good meal and lets me know how much he enjoyed it. He tells me when he thinks I look nice or likes my haircut or outfit. He is constantly looking for and stating the positive.

I’ve learned from Mark that expressing appreciation brings happiness not only to yourself, but those you are grateful for. It also lessens stress and anger, which makes you a healthier person. When we focus on our blessings, we see more blessings because our attention has been turned in a positive direction.

Try making a gratitude list and read it when you’re sad and feeling ungrateful. Some general ideas to help you get started:

• List people
• Physical abilities
• Material possessions
• Spiritual gifts
• Nature
• Things about today
• Places on earth
• Modern-day inventions
• Foods you are grateful for.

How long can you make your list?

How would your life improve if you lived in thanksgiving daily?

Miracles Happen

Some miracles take time and aren’t always what we hoped for, nevertheless, they are still miracles. Mark’s life is a miracle, but it’s not the full recovery I hoped for. I was discouraged and hurt by doctors, nurses and the therapist who tried continually to squashed my hope with their negative statements and statistics because they didn’t believe I was facing reality. Concerning Mark’s recovery I was told I looked through rose colored glasses because I remained optimistic and hopeful. Twenty-three years later and with more life experience, I understand and have forgiven them for their pessimism. They were doing their job and I was adjusting the best I knew how with the strong feelings I had about his recovery. I’ve thought a lot about “false hope.” As shocking as the statement was to me, I recognize the spot the therapist was in, but that doesn’t mean I agree or like the statement. I truly appreciate their knowledge, which kept Mark alive, but couldn’t understand their lack of hope for improvement. I feel without hope life loses purpose. I closed my Sunday Story asking if there was such a thing as false hope. I loved Laura Nordfelt’s comment:

“This is a thought provoking question for me now. I realize that for the first year, I don’t think I placed any expectations on Greg’s recovery. I lived one day at a time. Go to the hospital. Go to appointments. Work with him on his therapy. Go to my job. Cook for him. Encourage him. Love him. Watch him nap. Watch him play brain games on his iPad. Go for walks up and down the street. I just went through the motions.

Then all of a sudden one day, he went to work for 3 hours. Pretty soon, it was 4 hours and so on. One day, he got his driver’s license and a whole new world opened up for us. Our lives began to take on a different meaning. Independence crept back in piece by piece.

I don’t think I ever had feelings that our lives would ever be the same because his physicians set me up from the beginning with cautious expectations. So hope? I tried to set the bar low and decided we would be grateful for whatever we were given. We (Greg) worked as hard as two people could possibly work with all the tools that the therapists had in their boxes and any more we found along the way. I believe it helps tremendously that we are hopelessly optimistic people! Just try and tell us we can’t do something, nope, not having it!”

Thank you, Laura, for sharing Greg’s miracle. I think being optimistic, hopeful and having faith is the most important tool in the box. It is the fuel that drives us to work hard for something. Twenty-three years ago, I set the bar high. Part of it was my lack of experience with life, but most of it came from being an optimistic, hopeful person full of faith. A person who proudly looks through rose color glasses and realizes there is a higher being in charge of life. I’m grateful I set the bar high and I’ve never regretted it. Have I been disappointed? Yes! But I wonder where we’d be today if I didn’t have high expectations and a belief that only God knows all.

We are all on a different journey with different experiences, however the feelings and emotions are the same. No one should tell another how they should feel or react to a given situation, especially when it’s a traumatic experience.

What miracles have you witnessed?

Keeping the Fire Burning

Mark and I 1979

Marriage use to be new, fun and exciting. There is definitely a shift change that happens in romance over time. Not that this is a bad thing—just reality as far as I know it. I’ve been married for 35 years in June. Sounds and feels like a long time until I compare it to my parents who have been married for 63 years.  How can you live happily ever after? This is what I’ve learned from my experience.

Physical contact is important.

I will never forget how much I missed physical contact with Mark for the three months he was in his coma. Sure I could hold his hand, but he was not capable of holding mine and I missed it! After my collarbone healed from our car accident, I was anxious to help the nurses and aids bathe Mark, rub lotion on him, and transfer him in and out of bed. I wanted so much to touch and care for him. I needed that closeness. The nurses and aids were willing to let me help and I loved doing it.

I’ll never forget the first time I slipped into the twin size hospital bed next to Mark, hoping no one would care. It felt so good just to be able to lie next to him and since the nurses didn’t kick me out it became a routine. I have never taken for granted the need for physical contact since those lonely long months after the car accident.

Mom and Dad 2014

I love to see my parents holding hands as they walk or sit on the couch next to each other. To watch my father help my mother out of a car, down steps, or out of a chair is endearing. They have grown in tenderness with each other over the years. It is clear to me that they love one another and appreciate the time they have together. I am grateful for their example.

Positive reinforcement is a must.

Mark is especially good at accentuating the positive. He always makes me feel wonderful.  He calls me S.U.G.A.R. and spells it as an acronym for Sweetheart, Unmatchable, Girl of my dreams, Awesome, Reason to live. He often reminds me and others who will listen what S.U.G.A.R. stands for. I love it and it makes me feel so special.

I’ve also noticed when I tell Mark he looks handsome, he sits up a little straighter and holds his head a little higher. We all need and enjoy complements.

Express appreciation for the other.

Mark and I 1995

Every relationship is different. It’s not possible for me to have a relationship like my parents, but I am capable of having a loving relationship. Mark and I aren’t able to travel to far away romantic destinations or even go out for a romantic dinner and dance. But I can provide a romantic dinner at home and turn on some music so we can sway back and forth. I believe that no matter where you are in your relationship you need to appreciate it for what it is.

I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to be a caregiver for Mark. I know that by caring for him my love as grown more than I imagined possible. I appreciate every bonus day we have together. When a person only has a five to ten percent chance to live and no chance of coming out of a coma due to the extensive damage to the brain, you know every day is a bonus day.

Sure there are some things I miss about the early days of our marriage, but I wouldn’t trade them for the love, peace and contentment that are relationship as grown into.

Make Peace With Time

One of Mark’s great sayings and one of Katie’s great designs. Father and daughter coming together to make an awesome Thursday Thought.