Welcome 2021

A new year brings anticipation for great things. This year feels like a warmth of sunshine after cloudy days. 2020 brought many challenges without the “perfect vision” the year number indicated. Learning from our experience gives us energy for improvement as we move forward.

My list of twenty-one take-aways from 2020 with optimism that 2021 will be a better year if we remember:

1. We are resilient and can recover from stressful conditions.
2. We care about others more than our own comfort. Wearing a mask is proof.
3. We are creative with ways to connect, celebrate, worship, and teach while social distancing.
4. We are resourceful and can adapt to difficult circumstances.
5. We are all passionate about our beliefs, therefore it’s important to respect individual beliefs especially when they differ from our own.
6. We are patient, notably when it’s necessary.
7. We persevere in hard situations as we work for improvement.
8. We are courageous as we learn to do things we’ve never done before.
9. We are fashionable. Masks often match what we are wearing or make a statement about our personality. Colorful, fun masks are amusing.
10. We need each other. Isolating negatively affects our mental health.
11. We realize hugs are not to be taken for granted.
12. We are more aware of what our teachers and healthcare providers do. We are so thankful for their dedication.
13. We gained gratitude for sanitary stations by most building entrances.
14. We have appreciation for disinfectant wipes to sanitize grocery carts.
15. We learned zoom meetings are an effective way to take care of business.
16. We learned routine doctor visits can be done efficiently and are convenient by facetime or duo phone calls.
17. When an in-person doctors visit is necessary, the sticker on your shirt with the written temperature reading puts other at ease or encourages them to keep their distance if you have a fever.
18. We appreciated less people in the doctor’s office making the wait time to get into the exam room significantly shorter.
19. More people working from home improves the air quality and drives gasoline prices down. It’s grand that city streets no longer filled with vehicles were roped off for recreational bike riding and walking.
20. Social distancing at home allowed more time to get projects done.
21. Each person is important. We make a difference in the lives around us.

This year has been an experience we’ll all remember. 2020 not only strengthened our character, but it helped us realize what is most important. I hope to remember the positive lessons learned from the past as we move forward.

What can you add to the list?

Four Thoughts on Resilience

Great thoughts which accentuate my article, The Importance of Raising Resilient Children. 

 

 

 

“The strongest oak of the forest is not the one that is protected from the storm and hidden from the sun. It is the one that stands in the open where it’s compelled to struggle for its existence. Against the winds, rains and the scorching sun.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What thoughts can you share on the importance of being resilient?

 

The Importance of Raising Resilient Children

I suppose it’s natural for a parent to want to protect their child from disappointment and heartache. I worried for more than six weeks about when the right time would be for our kids to see their dad who was comatose and had several other life threatening health problems from the car accident. They asked me every day when they would be able to see him. At ages seven and eight years old they couldn’t understand how severely hurt he was until they saw him. I don’t claim to have all the answers, nor do I know that my timing was perfect. What I do know is that I had their best interest in mind when I made the decision. Christopher and Katie were stunned when they walked into the room where their dad lay unconscious. At the first sight of him they stopped in their tracks and with unbelieving, widened eyes looked at him. The surgical masks they were required to wear in his room hid their opened mouths. Afraid to get any closer, they stayed just inside the doorway, speechless. What I learned from this experience is that our children are stronger and more resilient than I realized. They quickly recovered from the shock of their dad’s condition and the next time they saw him they weren’t afraid.

Since life is full of various illnesses, threats, tragedy, death, family and other relationship problems, it’s impossible to save them from all the adversities of life. Therefore, it’s essential to help our children rise above hurting because disastrous things will happen in their lives. Just as it is with adults, it’s common for children to experience setbacks, unwanted challenges, failures and even difficulties at home and school. If we protect our children from every fall, which is tempting to do, how will they learn to bounce back? As adults, it’s rewarding to see resilient children who are capable of effectively handling disappointment, failure and obstacles. Teaching children how to recover from hard times is important.

Here are four great tips I found on http://www.raisingresilientkids.com/.

Tip # 1 Give Our Children Undivided Attention

Quality time with children is more than just being with them physically. We must give them undivided attention by listening with our heart. When we give our full attention, they will feel important. They will be confident they can trust and depend on us in handling their situation.

Tip #2 Put Yourself in Your Child’s Shoes

When you face difficult situations and setbacks, you may talk to your spouse or a friend about it. All too often their response will be, “It’s okay, you can try again next time.” There’s nothing wrong with this reaction, however, it’s not what you wanted to hear. You want empathy and assurance that they will be with you until you are able to recover from your disappointment. Your children also need these things when they are down. They don’t want lectures or advice. Letting them know you understand them and you’re willing to support them will teach them resilience.

Tip # 3 Don’t Judge or Criticize Your Children

Accepting your children for who they are is one of the best ways to make them resilient. Well accepted and appreciated children become more confident and strong in facing any obstacles in life. If they aren’t criticized for the way they are, they become more appreciative of themselves and do better in life.

Tip # 4 Determine Your Child’s Strengths and Help Them Develop Those Strength

Each child has his own strengths and weaknesses. For example, if your child is good at music or a craft, help develop it and don’t try to make him excel in math or sports. Helping your child know his strengths will promote resilience in letting him know that he excels in somethings.

I would love to hear about a time when your child has been resilient or a tip on how you’ve taught this important trait.

 

Our Children’s First Visit

While holding Mark’s hand and telling him about Western Rehab I felt him lightly squeeze my hand. Shocked and elated at his first movement in over six weeks I asked, “Did you just squeeze my hand?” I felt him squeeze it again. I grabbed the first nurse I saw and told her the good news. Skeptically she came into the room, took Mark’s hand and asked him to squeeze it. He did not. She looked at me and said sympathetically, it must have been a reflex without purpose. I knew differently.

When Dr. Hinchey did his morning rounds he said, “There is no change in Mark’s prognosis. He is still one point from being brain-dead and that point comes from his eye movement.”

“How can you say that? He just squeezed my hand.”

“If he can’t do it on command, it’s a reflex without purpose.”

Thinking, I’ve got to get Mark out of this negative environment, I asked, “Now that Mark’s red and white cell counts are getting in the normal range, how soon can we move him to Western Rehab?”

“I don’t know. We need to finish the treatment for his liver infection,” Dr. Hinchey said.

“Our children are out of school now and it’s hard to be this far from home. They ask me daily when they get to see their dad. When will that be possible?”

“They can come, but they will have to wear a mask over their mouth and wash up thoroughly before they come in the room because any infection would be deadly for Mark.”

It had been a long six weeks for me, but for a young seven and eight-year old child, it seemed like forever since they’d seen their dad.  They were anxious, but I was worried how their young minds would interpret the sight of their dad with all the tubes and equipment which kept him alive. I talked to the social worker about how I could prepare our children for their first visit.

“I can take them on a tour of the hospital first,” he said. “This will get them familiar with the sights, sounds and smells of the hospital. I can also show and tell them about the equipment which is helping their dad right now.”

That night I told the kids they would get a tour of the hospital and be able to see their dad tomorrow. They were excited, even though they knew he was hurt and he wouldn’t be able to talk to them. I talked to them about his special bed and equipment, but nothing could really prepare them for what they’d never seen before.

I’m sure the tour of the hospital helped, but Christopher and Katie were stunned when they walked into the room where their dad lay unconscious. At the first sight of him they stopped in their tracks and with unbelieving, widened eyes looked at him. The surgical masks they were required to wear in his room hid their opened mouths. Afraid to get any closer, they stayed just inside the doorway, speechless.

Katie recalls in her article written on June 17, 2014, Dad Creating Beauty After Tragedy, “My excitement shattered when I walked into his room. The man I once saw smash his finger with a hammer without shedding a tear lay helplessly unconscious. Tubes connected his lifeless body to machines. He was dependent on technology and the care of others. It was my first time seeing him vulnerable. I was scared. I recognized his face, but how could he be my dad? My dad was strong enough to lift me onto his shoulders so I could see parades over large crowds. My dad did sit-ups every night with his toes tucked under the couch as I sat on it and counted his sit-ups aloud. My dad killed spiders for me and read bedtime stories to me. I didn’t want to go near the lifeless body in the hospital bed.”

July 1991, first picture with the kids after the accident.

With all my heart and soul I wanted to make this better for Christopher and Katie. I knew they needed to see him to understand how hurt he really was and why he wasn’t home, but I disparately wanted to protect them from the worry.They were so innocent and I knew they’d be disappointed.

It was a Friday and my turn to stay overnight at the hospital, so my mom took the kids to spend the night at her house. I was constantly torn between Mark and the kids. I wanted and needed to be with each one, but it was impossible. No matter who I was with I was worrying about the other. I could hardly bear that we weren’t together as a family and had sixty miles separating us.

The small Ronald McDonald house which was close by the hospital parking lot became my home away from home. It had two bedrooms, one bath and living room complete with a couch, and reclining chair. The kitchen had a fridge, stove, a few dishes and utensils. In the beginning, I was in the basement of this home, but there was a plumbing issue so I had to move upstairs with the Call family who were from Idaho. Donna and Wayne Call were a little older than my parent’s and they had six kids with their youngest being close to my age. Wayne had a heart attack and after surgery he didn’t regain consciousness and was transferred to McKay Dee Hospital. Donna and I became close, despite our age difference. She was always at the hospital and her kids took turns bringing her needed items and staying overnight with her. I was given one bedroom and the Call family had the other. Each bedroom had a double bed plus a bunk bed in it, but with my broken collarbone I was more comfortable sleeping in the reclining chair. Sometimes my parents stayed there with me and on weeknights my brothers were there. The Call’s also had several family members coming and going and once in awhile it was such a full house they used sleeping bags on the floor in the living room. We got to know each other well over a seven week period of time. The Call’s made me feel part of their family. They would come to Mark’s room late at night to get me and to make sure I made it to the McDonald home safely. They were kind and thoughtful. I appreciated their friendship and we had a lot in common with our loved ones in critical condition. I was grateful for the comfort of this home which became a safe haven from the upset of the hospital. Amongst the turmoil and worrying about Mark as well as missing my own home and family I received the blessing of new friends and resilient children who quickly overcame their fear of seeing their dad.